Weblog

Sunday, 05 April 2009

  • Seven Months Later...

    This post is dedicated to Judy Ramos, who has encouraged me to blog more than once.

    I had the urge to shop today.

    It all started when I made what I thought would be a quick trip to Wal-Mart to pick up some essentials. So after grabbing some body lotion and wart remover liquid (they've returned!), my cart veered toward the kitchen section. Nothing really caught my eye there, so off I went to the home decor aisles. I think I was looking for something to hang on a wall in my living room. Didn't find anything there either, though it was all priced just right.

    After several minutes, I found myself wondering what other aisles in Wal-Mart might have something I've been looking for. (Don't ask me what those things are.) I believe I browsed all of the following aisles during this "quick trip": health & beauty, kitchen appliances, vacuum cleaners, picture frames, fabric & sewing (Have I ever sewn even one complete article of clothing...ever...in my entire life? I really don't think so.), fake flowers, and home decor. I might have continued browsing, but as I wasn't finding anything that was just right, I finally decided to leave and head for Target (which is certainly more stylish).

    I'm beginning to bore myself, so let me hurry this anecdote along...

    Went to Target, found some wall hangings -- too expensive for an impulsive purchase. Found an ottoman, also too expensive. Decided to buy "Apples to Apples" and "Catch Phrase". Got a CD holder for the sun visor in my car. Got some square, glass cannisters for my kitchen.

    Got an oil change. Paid extra for high-mileage Valvoline oil. Will be getting $8 back from mail-in rebate.

    Came home. Made mini-pizzas. Looked at my new games and thought about how I don't have anyone to play them with. (Amy said--via Gmail chat--that that was an "only child" kind of thing to do.) Blogged. About to eat freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition...one of the only things that can make me cry these days. How shallow.

    Goodnight....

Thursday, 18 September 2008

  • Why did the chicken cross the road?

    This post is dedicated to Jen, a cow and therefore a great friend of the chicken. And also to Judy, a lover of all animals.


    BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
     
    JOHN MC CAIN:       My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
     
    HILLARY CLINTON:      When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really isn't about me....
     
    DR. PHIL:      The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
     
    OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
     
    GEORGE W BUSH:       We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
     
    COLIN POWELL:      Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road....
     
    ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:       We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
     
    JOHN KERRY:      Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

    PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
     
    MARTHA STEWART:      No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
     
    DR SEUSS:      Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed I've not been told.
     
    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
     
    JERRY FALWELL:      Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

    GRANDPA:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

    ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
     
    BILL GATES:       I have just released eChicken2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

    AL GORE:  I invented the chicken!
     
    COLONEL SANDERS:      Did I miss one?
     
    DICK CHENEY:      Where's my gun?
     
    AL SHARPTON:      Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

     

Sunday, 07 September 2008

  • Confessions of a Perfectionist

    Hello, my name is Stephanie, and I'm a perfectionist.

    I think I've just discovered that my perfectionism could be my single most detrimental characteristic. I'm sure this trait is annoying to some people...perhaps even frustrating. But I suspect that it hasn't hurt anyone more than it has hurt me. When I was young, my brother used to beat me up. And I was always mad at him for that. But now I realize that I've beat myself up so much more than my big brother could have ever imagined. And it's like I didn't even know it was happening! I was never even mad at myself for doing it.

    Perfectionism is one of those things that externally seems to be positive. Perfectionists generally do things...well, perfectly. You can be sure that every little detail will be thought of and addressed. Their houses are spotless; the books on their bookshelves are in alphabetical order; the bathroom faucet never has water spots on it. These are all things that the perfectionist can control...so she controls them. But what does the perfectionist do with the things she can't control?
    These uncontrollable things eat away at her until she honestly believes that she is incapable. She goes crazy. Perhaps she might even slip into a mild depression...or worse, a not-so-mild depression. No area of her life escapes. Even her relationship with God suffers.

    But praise the Lord that He still speaks to us today. And God's message to the perfectionist who is struggling in her sins is:

    "When the mind dwells upon self, it is turned away from Christ, the source of strength and life. Hence it is Satan's constant effort to keep the attention diverted from the Saviour and thus prevent the union and communion of the soul with Christ. The pleasures of the world, life's cares and perplexities and sorrows, the faults of others, or your own faults and imperfections--to any and all of these he will seek to divert the mind. Do not be misled by his devices. Many who are really conscientious, and who desire to live for God, he too often leads to dwell upon their own faults and weaknesses, and thus by separating them from Christ he hopes to gain the victory. We should not make self the center and indulge anxiety and fear as to whether we shall be saved. All this turns the soul away from the Source of our strength. Commit the keeping of your soul to God, and trust in Him. Talk and think of Jesus. Let self be lost in Him. Put away all doubt; dismiss your fears. Say with the apostle Paul, 'I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.' Galatians 2:20. Rest in God. He is able to keep that which you have committed to Him. If you will leave yourself in His hands, He will bring you off more than conqueror through Him that has loved you" (Steps to Christ, 71-72).

    All I can say is, Praise the Lord!
      

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Thursday, 29 May 2008